


The Disastrous Life of Cat Noir

by apathetica



Category: Miraculous Ladybug, 斉木楠雄のΨ難 | Saiki Kusuo no Sai-nan | The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.
Genre: Black Cat miraculous is a curse, Digital Art, Gen, Hint: It’s Plagg, IDENTITY SHENANIGANS, Illustrations, Kisses to break curses, Ladybug and Cat Noir kiss a lot in this one, No one out-shits Plagg, PK Academy in Paris, PV AU, Plagg vs Saiki: who is the worst little shit, Saiki fights evil in a leather catsuit, Saiki is Cat Noir, Saiki is a VERY reluctant hero, Saiki is a magic girl, Saiki’s inborn superpowers are non-physical, Teruhashi is Ladybug, Teruhashi is a magic girl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24004945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apathetica/pseuds/apathetica
Summary: Saiki Kusuo is an unobtrusive boy at PK Lyceé.  All he wants is to go unnoticed, and his famous classmates:  Saiko Metori, the mayor’s son and Teruhashi Kokomi, the daughter of a fashion mogul and a famous model in her own right, contribute to his invisibility.  Saiki is concealing ESPer superpowers and has no intention of using it for heroics or any other purpose.  It’s just his usual bad luck that as a magical villain makes his debut to terrorize Paris, Saiki is chosen/cursed to wield the Black Cat Miraculous as Cat Noir.You don’t need to know Miraculous lore to read this. No Miraculous characters will appear, only the cast of Saiki K is used.If you do know Miraculous lore: Saiki is Felix and also incredibly done with everyone.  Teruhashi is Bridgette and she can’t even.
Relationships: Saiki Kusuo/Teruhashi Kokomi
Comments: 42
Kudos: 82





	1. Prologue: Misfortune comes in Très (bien)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends, I’m Troy McAuthor. You might remember me from such fics as “Absolute Boyfriend” and “GenX.” Now you might be telling yourself “Can this author write anything that isn’t a cross over?” not right now. Also- this is an incredible idea, please write your own version! You might also be like “Why are you starting another fic you’ve got a ton of other barely started ones.” I never pretended I wasn’t a burning garbage pile ok? Ok.  
> How will PK students react to being akumatized? And whomst is Hawkmoth in all this? I don’t even know yet!

Cover art i spent WAY too long making. Gallery with references <https://imgur.com/gallery/GFApYUV>

Cat Noir dodged swiftly, but only barely escaped being cut to ribbons by the flying playing cards. Four of them embedded themselves in the wall near his retreating back. One of them managed to take off a lock of his magenta hair.

“ _Good grief._ ” He complained to himself as he sheltered behind some rubble that used to be a historic building. He _could_ be at home playing games, but instead he was fighting a possessed person that had been cursed with magical powers in the streets of Paris, while dressed in a skin-tight magical leather catsuit, complete with a belt-tail, belled collar, and mobile cat ears perched on his head. 

“And for my next trick, my beautiful doves will become perfect predators! And Cat Noir will become their prey!” The akumatized victim, a terrible street magician who now called himself the Amazing Mage, crowed out for all to hear. 

Cat Noir grimaced. He wasn’t afraid of the enchanted pigeons, but he’d rather not have to kill them. Ladybug could restore whatever objects he destroyed, but they had yet to test as to whether that restoration magic extended to necromancy. Speaking of whom: 

“Any ideas where the akumatized item is?” Ladybug asked after she’d ducked behind the same pile of rubble. People were cursed when an akuma, an evil spirit in the form of a purple butterfly, possessed an object close to the afflicted person’s heart. The only way to free the individual was to destroy the possessed item and capture the akuma.

Cat Noir poked his head above the rubble to observe their foe, his cat ears flattening back against his head automatically. The magician was waving a wand over his doffed top hat. A cloud of doves was pouring from the hat like some kind of demented tornado. 

“Probably the hat.” Cat said. Ladybug nodded. 

“We’ll try that first.” They gave each other a ready look, then jumped out of their hiding place together and ran directly at the akuma. 

The swarm of birds descended, so dense it blocked out the afternoon sun. Ladybug swung her yoyo into motion, creating a shield and lettering her plow forward towards the magician. Cat Noir, following just behind her and a little to the left, aligned his baton with the top-hat, then extended the magical-staff till the hat was ripped away and impaled against an opposite wall. 

“I see! You wish to be part of the show!” The Mage cried. “Then I’ll make you both into magician’s assistants.” He snapped his fingers and two coffins sprang from the earth on either side of him, each with three segments and holes where the face would be. “Step right up into the sawing-a-body-in-half boxes and be transformed into Amazing Assistants! It’s Trés Bien!” 

The coffins opened, and stood vertically right in the path of each of the heroes. The flock of birds regrouped and instead of impeding their way towards akuma, they came from behind to push them into the coffins. Cat’s weapon was occupied pinning the hat, and it wasn’t fast enough besides to reorient it behind him. He could use _cataclysm_ and destroy the entire hoard, but he hesitated- not wanting to hurt the birds. 

“No!” Ladybug called when she saw his hesitation, and sent her yoyo swinging to his defense, leaving herself unprotected. She was unceremoniously bulldozed into a box, which swiftly shut her in. 

“Damn it!” Cat cursed, dodging around the coffin with a simultaneous rising heel kick that would’ve taken the head off a non-magically reinforced human. The kick only knocked the akuma flat, letting Cat past him and at the hat, still pinned to the wall by his staff. 

“ _Cataclysm_!” He called, summoning his miraculous magic. A Miasma of vantablack fog bubbled out of his right palm, so destructive it ate even the light that touched it. The hat ceased to exist when the cataclysm made contact. 

Typically, at this point, the akuma would be released. Typically Ladybug would catch it with her yoyo’s compact and purify it within. Typically Ladybug would then use her restoration magic: _Miraculous Ladybug_ to set the akumatized victim and all they had destroyed to rights. 

But Cat Noir was not only the _holder_ of the Black Cat Miraculous, he was also the _victim_ of the Black Cat’s curse. Fighting alongside Ladybug, the holder of the Lucky Ladybug Miraculous, negated the majority of Cat’s bad luck, and allowed her to turn his misfortune against her enemies. But Ladybug had been captured moments before. It was enough to turn the tide of his luck: The hat was _not_ the akumatized item. 

The akuma got back to his feet, seemingly largely unharmed for being hit hard enough to crack the cement beneath him. Next to him, the coffin which held Ladybug reopened. She emerged in fishnet stockings, a tiny black leotard, and bunny ears over-top her full body battle suit. It would’ve looked laughable if not for the empty blue eyes behind her red domino mask. 

The akuma laughed. “Surrender Cat Noir! With Ladybug as my lovely assistant I can’t possibly lose! And with both your Miraculous powers, I’ll be the greatest magician in the world! Trés Bien!” 

Ladybug had been infected with the akuma’s magic and was now under its control. And Cat Noir had to rescue her, withstand his own misfortune, and defeat the akuma ....alone. 

  
\---------

Notes: I've chosen "Cat" over "Chat" because my stupid american brain always reads "chat" in english even though i KNOW that pronunciation in french is a bad word (pussy). My stupid american brain also reads "Noir" in spanish instead of french so all-in-all, i should've just called him Kuro Neko instead. [Gallery of newest art](https://imgur.com/gallery/QbSr4eY)


	2. Chapter 1: Tragedy of a Disaster Foretold!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New art was added to the prologue. Go check it out!

A return to consciousness is always heralded by noise. The press of every person’s thoughts and feelings within a 200 meter radius would be dreadful in a normal home, but Saiki Kusuo had the added misfortune of living over his parents’ very busy cafe. He woke up with a headache which could only mean one thing: 

_ A short old man in a hawaiin t-shirt at a crosswalk _

_ Cookies flying through the air  _

_ A car swerving to miss  _

_ Cookies on the ground _

_ A grateful, yet sly, smile  _

_ A black hexagonal box _

_ A creeping miasma of darkness _

The premonition wasn’t entirely clear, but the gist was that there would be some kind of traffic accident involving an old man that would upset the box of cookies his mother always made him bring to his class on the first day of term. 

Saiki was starting his junior year at PK Lycee, and despite his mother’s best efforts and intentions, the start of year cookies had yet to earn him a single real friend. As it so happened, that’s what Saiki preferred. The thoughts and feelings of teenagers were particularly tiring and he had no desire to invite any of them into close proximity with him. He lay in bed, dreading the day ahead of him, but eventually his mother’s call roused him from the attic-loft that was his bedroom.

Bless his mother, she had coffee ready for him. There was the box of cookies he’d seen in his premonition as well, next to his breakfast plate. 

“Starting 11th grade already! My Ku-chan is all grown up!” Saiki Kurumi gushed and petted her son’s bright magenta hair lovingly.  _ “Time moves so fast. He’ll be gone before we know it.” _ Her thoughts continued with a twinge of melancholy. 

Kusuo opened his mouth to tell his mother he wouldn’t take the cookies with him this time, knowing from his premonition they’d be ruined, but he happened to inhale some of his coffee on accident and ended up in a coughing fit. 

“Oh dear!” Cried Kurumi, pounding his back and unseating his tinted blue-light-blocking glasses. His father called from the front of the shop. The line had gotten long and he needed her help. “Coming!” She called back. To him she said. “Have a good first day!” and with a kiss to his forehead, departed. 

Kusuo eyed the cookies resignedly. It was always like this. What was the point of seeing the future if he couldn’t change it? Whenever he tried to alter his misfortune, it simply back-fired on him. [ _ What a useless power.] _ Kusuo rubbed at his forehead where this morning’s headache lingered. [ _ They’re all useless powers.] _

Saiki Kusuo was an ESPer. He could hear people’s thoughts and feel their strong emotions. He could catch snippets of the future. He could perceive the hidden past by touching an object and feeling the memories imprinted on it. One might consider him blessed, but to Kusuo it was a disaster. His misfortune was compounded by a particular drawback. Whenever he tried to utilize his abilities to benefit himself, such as preserving the cookies from being wasted, he was afflicted by bad luck. He could only use his abilities, without reprisal, for the sake of others. 

Kusuo had no interest in being a hero. His life’s goal was to move easily through the world, unnoticed and free from the hell of other people. He wanted to leave Paris for some isolated, but high speed internet capable, village where he could remotely work on building games and never have to speak to anyone. His affliction, to suffer misfortune when he attempted to evade a premonition, demanded otherwise.

Kusuo rose. It was time to go save that old man. He didn’t want to imagine what would happen to himself if he tried to ignore it. He tucked the cookies under his arm resolutely, and headed out of the front door. 

“Bye Son! Have a good day!” His father called after him from behind the counter. 

PK Lycee was within walking distance. Only a few blocks from his home, Kusuo spotted the eye-watering hawaiin shirt he’d seen in his premonition. The old man was crossing the street at a crawl, utilizing a cane to assist him. The crosswalk sign was blinking, signaling that the light was about to change. A car was speeding towards the red light, it’s driver heedless. Kusuo reached out and yanked the old man to safety with his free hand; The cane knocked the box of cookie’s out of his other hand, and the old man was delivered to the sidewalk as the car zoomed by in a spray of macarons. 

Kusuo paused there. To an outsider it would look like shock, but Kusuo was just waiting for the other parts of the vision: The black hexagonal box; The creeping black miasma rolling over and through his fingers like heavy fog. 

“Are you alright young man?” The old man was patting his shoulder. Kusuo blinked at him a little startled. [ _ Where was it?]  _ Kusuo nodded absentmindedly, and bent to retrieve the nearly empty box of cookies. The old man took a cookie from the box, saluted his savoir and walked off jauntily, not even bothering with the cane or limp anymore. 

[ _ What the hell was that?] _ Kusuo thought with annoyance, but was still distracted by the absence of the rest of the premonition. He shuddered. [ _ This couldn’t be good. _ ]

The familiar school building was bustling. Kusuo walked into his new classroom, 2-3, with a grimace. He already knew what to expect from the occupants before he’d even walked in. Saiko Metori, the mayor’s son, and his air of entitlement, extended into the hallway. 

[ _ Good grief. Another miserable year with him in my class. _ ] Not only had Kusuo had to endure Saiko as a classmate for most of his life, their similar names meant they’d frequently been made to sit next to one another. If that were the only irritation Saiki might be able to tolerate school, but another classmate, invisible to his extra senses, was also present. 

“Hey Buddy!” Nendo Riki called out happily. “Oh, score! Cookies.” Saiki was relieved of his sadly light box. Nendo made no bones about opening said box and devouring the last cookie therein. [ _ And there goes the only thing I had to look forward to today.] _ Saiki lamented to himself. 

One might think a person who did not register to an ESPer’s senses might be a welcome change to said ESPer, especially if he did not relish his powers. One would be wrong. All Nendo’s ESP-stealth meant was that Saiki had no means of avoiding the only person who went out of his way to persistently force him into interacting. 

Saiki went to put his bag down in its usual spot. 

“Not so fast, Glasses wearing peasant!” Saiko said in a bored tone. “This year a new student will be transferring into our class. She’s a close personal friend of mine. Indeed we’ve been destined to be together since birth! Teruhashi Kokomi will be sitting next to me... so go somewhere else.”

Saiki was annoyed to be so abruptly dismissed as it left him in a predicament. He didn’t want to sit by Saiko but had always done so without complaint for the single benefit it offered: Saiko had no interest in speaking with him.

[ _ Tch. Without the cover of Saiko...] _

“Um, Saiki-kun. If you want the seat next to me...is open.” Yumehara Chiyo, who’d had a crush on him since last year, offered with a blush. She’d somehow developed an obsession with him despite the fact that he’d never spoken a single word to her. Her affection was delusionary, but that didn’t stop her from fantasizing about him,  _ loudly. _ Sitting next to her was a hell to be avoided at all cost.

“Oh. You gonna sit somewhere else this year? Come sit with me buddy!” Nendo offered as well. Even if Nendo didn’t register telepathically, he was indefatigably social. His persistence in obtaining Saiki’s company frequently meant conceding to after-school activities with him, when all Saiki wanted was to go home.

[ _..this happens.  _ _ It’s between scylla and charybdis.]  _ Saiki concluded, annoyed. Saiki pointed to the back of the room, wordlessly indicating he intended to sit there in the corner furthest from the door. Then he tapped the bulky noise canceling headphones that presently hung around his neck. 

“Oh. You wanna sit in the back? I guess that’ll probably be quieter.” Nendo agreed, and miraculously let him go. 

Saiki went to the back of the room with relief, but also mounting suspicion. [ _ Nendo never leaves off that easily. What kind of penalty will i have to pay for this stroke of good luck?] _ He slipped past Kaido, hunched over a notebook and furiously attempting, and failing, to sketch a scene from the self-insert fiction he’d been writing since collège. [ _ If all I have to suffer is having to listen to the adventures of Kaito the hidden Skeleman, I’ll gladly take it.]  _ Saiki lamented to himself wrly. 

Kaido was another classmate he’d never spoken to, but knew more about than he cared to due to telepathy. He couldn’t name most of his classmates, but he probably knew them better than their own parents. He only knew Kaido’s name because he was the only other neon toned kid in the room. 

Some seventy years prior, humanity underwent a rapid simultaneous evolution. Children with brightly colored hair and eyes started to be born all over the world. Rigorous studies had been done to these so-called “quantic kids” but researchers concluded the mutations were entirely cosmetic. Even among the myriad of colors now common among the populous, neon tones still tended to stand out. Kaido’s electric-blue hair and pretty features drew attention, as, unfortunately, did Kusuo’s highlighter pink hair. Kaido didn’t seem to mind the attention, but Saiki religiously wore hoodies, even in summer, in a desperate bid to go unnoticed.

[ _ If I could use these abilities for my own benefit, I could just redirect people’s attention using telepathy.] _ He thought bitterly, but Saiki only tried to do that for himself once. The broken wrist he’d nursed for a month was enough to teach him his limitations. 

A hush settled the room. It was strange because the quiet was both mental and physical. Something had shocked everyone into silence. And then: 

“Oh wow.” Everyone seemed to sigh. Saiki looked up and found the source: a girl had just walked into the room. The face was both unfamiliar and well-known. He’d seen her on posters and in the shop windows of couture boutiques, modeling high-end wares: Teruhashi--

“Kokomi.” Greeted Saiko. “You’ve come, at last!” The trance broken, other classmates rushed forward to meet the newest celebrity in class. The bustle of their excitement was nearly deafening to Kusuo’s extra senses.

“ _ She’s even more beautiful in real-life.” _ Kaido thought, but didn’t leave his seat. “ _ There’s no way she’d want m-I mean.....” _ His thoughts took a conceited tone. “... _ A simple civilian like her might be put in danger were my enemies to find out she was of my acquaintance. Therefore, it is only just and fair that I, the Jet Black Wing, keep clear of her... for her own safe-” _

“That’s Kaido.” Yumehara’s voice interrupted Kaido’s stream of nonsense. “He won’t mind at all!” 

“But are you sure you won’t reconsider?” Saiko interrupted. “I’ve cleared the seat next to me.” 

“It really is for the best.” Teruhashi replied with an apologetic smile. “It’s been such a problem in my previous classes that I had to be taken out of school.”

“Well, we wouldn't want that.” Saiko agreed, then, from the front of the class, called out: “You there, Glasses-peasant and Runty-peasant, out of those seats.” 

“W-what?” Kaido chirped, alarmed that the entire classes’ focus was on him. 

“Saiko-kun.” Scolded Teruhashi softly, before she turned her attention back to Kaido. She politely walked up the graduated tiers of their classroom to the back so she could speak softly. “Hello there, it’s Kaido-kun right?” 

“Oh wow! Teruhashi Kokomi is talking to me!” Kaido squeaked in reply, his face glowing.

“ _ Another boy in love with me at first sight.” _ She noted idly. Saiki found her mental-tone interesting. It wasn’t smug or self-congratulatory. It was simply the acknowledgement of a fact like: “It’s sunny today.” 

“Would it trouble you very much to change seats with me?” She asked and her thoughts continued: “ _ If I sit in the front everyone stops focusing on the lesson to look at me. It was so bad in my last class that everyone failed and I had to be taken out of school for the public good.” _

“Oh! Of course! I’ll just...” Kaido quickly shuffled his notebooks back into his bag and scuttled away. 

“Thanks so much!” She waved him off with a smile, then turned to Saiki. “Hello there! I’m Teruhashi Kokomi, it’s nice to meet you.” She offered him her hand. 

Saiki hesitated, but a quick snap confirmed he’d remembered his gloves today. With the knowledge he was safe from his involuntary psychometry, he took her hand briefly. 

“Clear off Glasses.” Saiko just deigned to walk up the steps to the back of the classroom after Teruhashi. Saiki only glared at him and didn’t move. 

“Saiko-kun, that’s no way to ask-” 

“Glasses-peasant doesn’t talk.” Saiko interrupted her. “So there’s no point in asking him anything.” 

“What?” She asked. 

“Ah, this is Saiki Kusuo. He’s selectively mute.” Yumehara, who had followed, supplied. 

“I’m sorry. What does that mean ‘selectively’?” Teruhashi asked. 

“It means he can talk if he wants to but he won’t because he’s an asshole.” Saiko filled in. 

“That’s not what it means!” Yumehara contradicted in an annoyed tone. 

[ _ Here it comes.... I get to listen as someone else attempts to explain my condition right in front of me... _ ] 

“Selective mutism is a diagnosable anxiety disorder. He can’t help it!” Yumehara continued.

[... _ And there it is, the real reason I’ve got so many classmates i’ve never spoken to... _ ] 

“Look at his dull face- does that look like an anxious person to you?!” Saiko shot back. 

[ _... That’s fair. After all, for me it’s not an anxiety problem... _ ] 

“He’s got a diagnosis, Saiko! The teacher confirmed it. Why are you like this?” 

[... _ It’s a telepathy problem...] _ Kusuo could feel himself maxing out as the agitation in the room mounted. Arguments that involved the entire class were terrible, and the worst of those were centered around him. Even if Saiko had only been arguing with Yumehara, everyone had been paying attention and had an opinion or feeling on the issue. Those thoughts were currently bombarding him.

Kusuo flipped his noise canceling headphones on to his ears and turned them on. Half the noise reaching his brain quieted. He closed his eyes and counted out his breaths. He could still hear Yumehara arguing with Saiko via his telepathy, but going through the motions of preempting an anxiety attack normally put an end to it faster. Sure enough, Saiko stomped angrily back down to the bench he’d initially forced Saiki to vacate, resigned. 

Saiko had been his classmate most of his life, and remembered a time when Kusuo freely communicated with others. He’d also seen Nendo squeeze some syllables from him more recently, so he had reason to believe Saiki simply refused to speak to most everyone. The truth was he was constantly inundated with so much noise, he hated to contribute to it. If he had anxiety, it wasn’t of a social nature but related instead to whatever certain misfortune would next befall him due to his supernatural abilities. 

[ _...Also, I hate everyone, so Saiko’s not entirely wrong about me.] _

“ _ I hope he’s ok.” _ Teruhashi was thinking. “ _ I never thought Metori would pick on a disabled kid for me. That’s going too far.” _ Her uncomfortable feeling of vague guilt wafted his way. “ _ That wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t tried to come back to school.” _ The feeling became a heavier sadness. “ _ But I just... wanted to do something normal... like other kids...I don’t want to spend my entire youth living like an adult.” _

Saiki could empathize with that. Teruhashi was an internationally famous model for her mother’s fashion brand: Mugami. She’d been a model most of her life. Being pulled out of school meant more of her freetime had been given over to her profession, in which she was surrounded almost exclusively by adults. She wanted to play with and befriend people her own age. And now she believed her selfishness had caused a disabled kid to be bullied. 

Her guilt was weighing on him. Since it was in the way of comforting her, it should be ok to use his powers in this situation. Her thoughts reminded him of a certain princess, and since only psychopaths hated disney it was normally a safe bet:

“ _ I wanna be where the people are... I wanna see, wanna see’um dancing!”  _ Kusuo carefully poured the opening bars from the little mermaid into her mind. A smile crept onto her face, and her brain finished the song without his prompting. “..... _ Up where they walk... up where they run.. Up where they stay all day in the sun! Wandering free...wish I could be... part of that world.”  _ Her mood brightened. “ _ That’s right. I just want to be part of the world. I’ll make it up to Saiki-kun and everything will be fine.” _

Shiba-sensei came in then and called the class to order. Saiki pulled his headphones down and turned them off, inadvertently pulling his hoodie down too. 

“ _ Oh wow. You don’t see color like that every day. _ ” She thought at him. He hastened his hoodie back in place. Her vague disappointment filtered through. 

“Take out your tablets... we’ll be going through the syllabus.” Shiba-sensei instructed. 

Teruhashi pulled out a sketchbook in addition to her standard-issued tablet. In between following along with the lecture she sketched and doodled. 

The disney song Saiki had put into her head inspired a series of mermaids and sea-creatures, and Saiki found himself more than usually distracted by her for a few reasons. In the first place she drew well. Situated as he was on her right side, he could see her sketches clearly, and her grasp of anatomy was impressive. Secondly, the fantastic beasts she drew were unlike any he’d seen before. Thirdly, she kept frowning at her work, and trying to revise the creatures into garments. Clearly she was attempting to direct her creativity towards her mother’s profession. And lastly was this thought: 

“ _ He’s a bit like the little mermaid, isn’t he? A voice locked away by a cruel enchantment, waiting for true love’s kiss to set it free.” _

Kusuo was not a stranger to people’s fantasies of him. When one was silent, others simply attributed whatever thoughts, opinions or feelings they wanted to him. His character was decided, his benevolence or vice determined, by how attractive the perceiver found him. It was similar to how people perceived animals, and would fawn over creatures that would happily eat their corpses. Yumehara had made herself half-in-love with him by inventing the words he would say to her  _ if only he could _ . Despite all this, Kusuo was a little amused. Teruhashi Kokomi, the closest thing to a real-life disney princess, was imagining him as one. 

“ _ Does that make you prince charming?” _ He wondered. 

“ _ You underestimate me.” _ Her mind replied. With a surge of panic, Kusuo realized he’d accidentally sent that thought into her mind. Kokomi’s emotions surged too as something maniacal swelled into the words: 

“ _ Not a Prince, but a Queen! Not dark but beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Tempestuous as the sea, and stronger than the foundations of the earth! All shall love me and despair! _ ”* Her brain let out an evil cackle. And she huffed a few quiet giggles to herself. 

It was clear she hadn’t perceived anything wrong with the intrusive thought. Still, his panic would not subside. He’d used his telepathy on accident. He wondered what price he’d be paying for it. 

His mind went to the uncompleted premonition: The hexagonal black box. The dark miasma. His feelings of foreboding increased. 

He knew, somehow, he wouldn’t be getting off lightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Adapted from The Lord of the Rings by J.R.R Tolkein  
> Notes:  
> So Kusuo is selectively mute. It was very hard to write him without giving that away till Saiko whipped it out. Yumehara, Kaido and others have spoken to him, but he hasn’t ever spoken to them. In his class few have heard his voice. Nendo can get a few words out of him when no one else is around. Kusuo doesn’t consider himself disabled because he believes he can talk if he wanted to... he just doesn’t want to. He also thinks he’s not scared of rejection by peers (due to ESPer related trauma) because he’s preemptively decided to hate them first. I guess Tsunderes are in denial about everything.  
> “But wait!” You may say. “Cat was talking in the prologue!” Well spotted. But don’t forget Cat Noir is half-Plagg.  
> Saiko is standing in for Chloe, so he’s about 50% bitchier here than canon. *shrug* Someone’s gotta trigger akumas.  
> Kokomi is Bridgette, but with Adrien’s circumstances. I can’t help but write her as more cinnabon in her civvies. Also i love dorks, hence the LotR quote. Instead of studying chinese, Kokomi paints/draws. Instead of piano, Kokomi studies koto (canon fact!)  
> Yumehara’s got a little Alya going on... but will mostly just be herself.  
> Nendo and Hairo will be carrying the Kim/Alex athletic rivalry, respectively, but mostly be themselves.  
> Kaido will be channeling Nathaniel and Marc (but without the actual talent.)  
> Yuuta will stand in for Manon.  
> Haven’t decided anything else yet.  
> So you might question why i took away most of Kusuo’s powers and disabled the rest: The main reason is that if Kusuo already has all his canon powers, what on earth can the black cat miraculous give him? Canon Kusuo is already 10x’s more powerful than canon Chat Noir. So I took away all of Kusuo’s physical powers: telekinesis, apport/teleportation, pyro/cryokinesis, time manipulation, thought-ography, and super strength/speed/durability. What he’s left with are his soft powers: telepathy, hypnosis, premonition, and post-cognition/psychometry. I’ve also added empathy, mostly as an annoyance. To keep Kusuo vulnerable, i’ve imposed a penalty on his use of his powers for himself. This is the “curse” he’s born with, similar to how Felix was inflicted with the black cat curse.  
> I know it seems like i wasted a lot of time in this chapter with disney and whatever.. But i’m setting up a few plot points here i’ll need later. Also LOTS of foreshadowing. It was a bit painful to get all this in, but we’re going to get to the miraculous next chapter!


	3. Chapter 2: The reaping of the cursed child

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just added a Ko-fi page if you like my work and would like to contribute to a new tablet for improved art. <https://ko-fi.com/imaniam>

“Scenario for the Jet Black Wing? What are you, twelve?” 

One consequence to the seat shuffle Saiko himself had demanded was that Kaido was now Saiko’s bench-mate. Whereas he mostly left Kusuo alone, Kaido had made the mistake of taking out his fiction notebook where Saiko could see it. It was now the end of the first day, and Kaido hadn’t put his notebook away fast enough. Saiko wasted no time in snatching it up.

“Is this a turd?” Saiko said, indicating a drawing in the book. 

“It’s a SNAKE!” Protested Kaido. “ _ How dare he mock murder dragoram snake!” _

“ _ Now he’s picking on the Kaido-kun? I never imagined Metori could behave this way.” _ Teruhashi noted from the back of the class. Saiki enjoyed some momentary schadenfreude over Saiko’s souring impression in the object of his regard, but would also rather he not sink himself in her esteem at the cost of another kid’s peace of mind. 

“You’re still writing this garbage in highschool. Pathetic. Only total losers write fanfiction.” (lol)

“Dark Reunion is real! It’s  _ not _ fanfiction. I’m not that much of a loser! Give that back!” Kaido reached for his notebook but Saiko held it out of reach. 

“ _ Dark Reunion _ ?” Sniggered Saiko. “An edgy name for something with a turd logo.” 

“It’s NOT a TURD! Murder Dragoram Snake represents the initial phase of their plan to sort mankind--” 

“Stop.” Saiko demanded and thrust the notebook back at Kaido. “You literally made me stupider with that speech.” He snapped his fingers and his lackeys collected his bag and rolled out his customary red carpet. He turned on his heel and left. 

Kaido sniffed and, with his notebook clutched to his chest, ran off, presumably to cry. 

“We should check on him!” Teruhashi said, standing with alacrity. 

Saiki stood as well to tap her on the shoulder and held up his tablet. 

**He’s gone to the boy’s bathroom.** It read. He assumed she, like most people, had no knowledge of LSF (langue des signes française) and so never even bothered with it anymore.

“Does this.. Happen a lot?” She asked. He nodded. 

Kaido was frequently mocked for his devotion to the fictional world he was creating. Last year he’d tried very hard to involve Saiki in his fantasy, explaining that his neon coloring (like Kaido’s) was an indication of supernatural abilities. Kusuo, who did everything in his power to conceal his very-real supernatural abilities, kept his expression completely blank and simply refused to respond in any way until Kaido left him alone. If he had to go into the bathroom later to puke, it was probably just something he ate and not any kind of anxiety from nearly being outed like that. 

It did make Kusuo briefly interested in Kaido- Could he have superpowers as well? If Kusuo could use his abilities at will, it would be easy to determine, but that was not the case. Kusuo instead had to follow Kaido and put his passive telepathy in the way of listening to Kaido’s secrets. An entire week of this and multiple headaches, culminating in a migraine he had to stay home from school to nurse, and he concluded Kaido was simply delusional. He told himself he wasn’t disappointed. He did his level best not to be angry with someone who desperately coveted powers Kusuo would gladly do away with. 

The entire building shook. Saiki had already reached out to steady Teruhashi before he realised what he was about. 

“What was that? An earthquake?” She called at the same time a wall of festering emotion hit him like a wrecking ball. Now it was her hands that were steadying him, as he weaved slightly from the psychic shock. “Saiki-kun?” 

“ _ We have to move _ .” He tried to say, but as always he was unable to make himself speak even though he wanted to scream it for the entire class to hear. 

Something was coming closer, bringing that wrecking ball of feelings alongside it. 

“What.. what is that?” Yumehara called out, her hair nearly standing on end as the air became super-charged with electricity. The classroom door blew off its hinges and through the ruined door frame came a figure straight out of a final fantasy game. 

It was Kaido but not. His electric-blue hair was now floor length. He wore a black coat made more of belts, fastenings and buckles than of fabric and it exposed his torso. He had under-sized wings of oil-slick black feathers with a rainbow sheen. All those things could’ve been explained by cosplay, but the halo of blue-lightning that streaked over his body like a snake defied any rational explanation. 

“Where’s Saiko!?” He demanded in his most obnoxious tone. “I’ve come show him the power of the Justice Knights of Thunder!” 

“He... He left!” Replied a petrified Zolbe, his voice cracking. 

“Does he think he can escape?! No one escapes  _ The Jet Black Wing! _ ” And with another surge of heart-stopping thunder he blew through the opposite window and out of the classroom with supernatural speed. 

The students were silent, but to Saiki’s mind their churning thoughts were an unendurable cacophony. 

[ _ Was this.. The penalty?] _ Saiki wondered through the pounding of his head. [ _ I had wanted Kaido to have superpowers as well, even though I hate having them... Did I.. somehow do this to him?] _

“Are you ok?” Teruhashi’s voice pulled him back to his senses, and he realized he was still clutching her and she him. 

“What the hell was that?!” Nendo was the first to exclaim, running to the broken window and staring out after Kaido. In the distance another explosion triggered car alarms. 

“There is broken glass everywhere, we should evacuate.” Hairo called. 

“But what about Kaido?” Yumehara protested. 

“We need to leave... whatever that was.. To professionals. Come on, everyone out.” Hairo began chivvying the students out the door. 

\-----------------------------

The absolute shock of watching a classmate transform into some deranged supernatural creature then wreck your classroom in pursuit of the mayor’s son, no less, was enough to drive Kusuo’s mind away from that morning’s premonition. And so it was with complete shock that he found the black hexagonal box waiting at his workstation when he arrived home. 

It was lacquered black wood with red chinese symbols on it he couldn’t even begin to decipher. After the shock he’d had earlier, he wanted nothing more than to chuck the box into the seine and forget this entire day. 

“Mom.” He called down to her. 

“Yes Ku-chan?” 

“Did you put this box on my desk?” 

Her head poked up through the attic’s open doorway in the floor. She frowned at the box then finished ascending into his bedroom. 

“I’ve never seen that before..” She said, and moved to pick it up. 

Kusuo felt a surge of panic, remembering the miasma that swallowed all light. An intense feeling of foreboding had him knocking the box to the floor before his mother could touch it. 

It popped open. 

With a hiss of steam, the black fog came pouring out of it, creeping along the floor like the stuff of nightmares before crawling back into a writhing ball and floating up to chest height. It collapsed into a shape, and a pair of neon green slitted eyes blinked at them. 

Kurumi screamed, clutched her son and pulled him back away from the creature. Kusuo had chucked his wireless mouse at it in knee-jerk alarm. 

Crashing sounds came from below and Kuniharu called up to ask what happened. 

“Whoa whoa whoa!!! No need to freak out!” The flying tiny creature said, and zipped a little closer. “Well this isn’t ideal.” 

“Ahhhhh!!! Flying rat!!!!” Kurumi shrieked, and pulled off her slipper to swat it out of the air. 

“Who’re you calling a rat!” It snapped at her while expertly dodging her swipes. Kusuo could only blink in complete shock. 

“What’s going on up here?” Kusuo’s father asked, his head appearing over the attic’s threshold. 

“Damn it, another one!” The creature exclaimed. “This is already all going to hell.” 

“Oh. My. Goodness.... WHAT IS THAT!” Kuniharu gasped, and he was over the lip and in the loft in a flash. He held out his hands and made to grab the little being out of the air. “How did you make it Kusuo?! How is it flying? It talks so fluently, you must’ve gone all out for the AI.” 

“Hey! Back off!” The creature said, dodging Kuniharu’s attempts to get a hold of it, only to fall prey to Kurumi’s sudden lunge. 

“Ew! I’m holding it!” She squealed in dismay. 

“Careful Honey, you might break it, and here I didn’t even know Kusuo was building robots anymore!” 

“I... didn’t...” Kusuo gasped, struggling to get the words out as he never did around his parents. “That’s not....” 

“This is no way to treat the Kwami of Destruction!” It snapped at Kurumi and she flung it away before it could sink its tiny fangs into her hand. It circled the room before floating imperiously above the three Saikis. “Listen up humans! I am Plagg the embodiment of Destruction, Decay and Misfortune, and the Miracle behind the Black Cat Miraculous!” It pointed a tiny arm to the discarded box on the floor. “I’m here to claim the cursed child, so you two need to back off!” 

“It’s adorable!” Kuniharu gushed. “And the juxtaposition of such a tiny cute body with such a dark power is really creative. I’m very impressed son, didn’t know you had it in you!” 

“You’re not listening!” 

Another explosion sounded in the distance. 

“When are they going to catch that madman?” Kuniharu exclaimed. “Half of Paris will be levelled at this rate!” 

“It’s an Akuma!” Plagg said. “This is the reason my Miraculous has been activated. Kid, you’ve got to put the ring on and become the Black Cat to stop it!” 

“Oooo The Black Cat! That sounds fun!” Kuniharu said, and made to scoop up the box. 

“No don’t!” Once again, Kusuo darted forward and snatched the box away before his parent could touch it. 

“Protective of your prototype? I understand.” Kuniharu patted his son’s bright pink hair. “Don’t scare us like that though... I thought something was really wrong!” He turned and climbed down the latter saying: “I want to hear all about it after we close shop!” 

“It’s.. a prototype robot?” Kurumi asked, confused. “Like big Ku makes?” Her thoughts took a sad turn, as they always must, at the mention of his absent older brother. 

Kusuo shook his head but found himself incapable of explaining. How could he even begin to describe the premonition from this morning; the intense dread he felt at the sight of the box; the bizarre transformation of Kaido; the terror of the dark miasma from his vision that was so powerful it could swallow light. It could never be the work of human hands. All of this fell firmly into the realm of the supernatural so far removed from their reality, Kusuo couldn’t even begin to articulate it. 

“Listen kid, there isn’t time! An Akuma has taken possession of a human soul, corrupting it and filling the victim with terrible powers. You need to become the sword and shield of Ladybug so she can free the victim of possession and cleanse the akuma of evil. This is the role of the holder of the Black Cat Miraculous. Put the ring on!” 

“So...You want... to make my son... fight some evil spirit thing?” Kurumi reasoned out slowly. 

“No.” Kusuo said, placing the box down on his worktop. “I refuse.” 

“It’s gotta be you kid! You’re the cursed child. You’ve been marked since birth. You can’t refuse.” Plagg insisted. 

“Kusuo isn’t  _ cursed! _ ” Kurumi yelled, her eyes narrowing in anger. “My son is  _ perfect. _ There’s nothing  _ wrong _ with him-” 

“Mom.” Kusuo interrupted, then to the tiny pool of darkness he said: “I don’t want to do it. Find someone else.” 

It cackled at him. “Of course you don’t want to do it! Anyone who  _ wants _ this power should  _ never _ be allowed near it. The Black Cat has the power of Total Annihilation at his fingertips. An evil soul could take over the world with this ring. Only someone who hates the idea of this power can safely use it.” 

“You can’t make me.” Kusuo stated, crossing his arms. “I won’t.” 

Plagg sighed. “Of course you need an inducement. Why do you think you’re cursed, kid? It’s to get you to put on the damn ring!” 

“What are you saying?” Kusuo asked breathlessly. [ _ Is he saying...Could it be..]  _

“Ladybug has her own powers- Creation, Restoration and Luck. She can break an akuma’s curse. She can break yours too.” Plagg said slyly. “But you have to put the ring on first.” 

“Ku-chan... I don’t think it's safe to trust the words of genies promising you whatever you want...” 

“Who’s a genie! I’m a Kwami, lady-” 

“...And besides which, I know you aren’t actually cursed... it’s the opposite, you were born to be a hero. Your abilities are there to help others, and you can help them in ways people without these powers can’t. That’s why... If there is something you can do for that poor person who’s been possessed....”

“-Are you even listening to me!-” 

“..then i think you should try.” Kurumi finished with a small smile for her youngest. 

“I’m not that good.” Kusuo protested softly. 

“You don’t gotta be good.” Plagg rejoined. “That’s Ladybug’s job. All you have to do is protect her.” 

Kusuo took a deep breath. “She ... Ladybug, she can break my curse? Cure me of the misfortunes that plague me?” He asked. His heart was beating frantically; a combination of fear and desperate hope. 

“She can.” Plagg agreed. 

“ _ Can _ not  _ Will. _ ” Kusuo noted. [ _ But still...] _ His heart continued. [ _ It’s a chance...] _

It was a chance he had to take. Kusuo removed the pitch black ring from the box. It changed colors in his hand, becoming silver-white. He eyed it doubtfully for a moment, removed the transparent glove over his right hand that sheathed his psychometry, and slipped the ring on to his ring finger. 

Nothing happened. 

“That’s it?” Kusuo asked. 

“Of course not!” Plagg said. “To become the Black Cat, or whatever you want to call yourself, you say ‘claws out.’ To return to your civilian form its ‘claws in’ or you’ll be forced back if you hit the time limit after you’ve utilized your destructive power ‘Cataclysm.’ One last thing, and this is really important since you’ve done a piss-poor job of it so far: you must protect your identity, even from Ladybug. I’d explain why but you’ve wasted enough time dithering. Now transform and go get that akuma!” 

With the greatest reluctance Kusuo mumbled: “claws out.” 

Plagg was sucked into the ring, returning it to its former black. The darkness spread, covering his fingers and making claws of his nails. It bubbled and crawled over his body till he was fully sheathed, head-to-toe in shiny skin-tight black leather. 

“Oh dear...” His mother covered a small smile behind her hand. “I see why he called you the Black Cat. Still, that’s not an outfit for the shy.” She coughed delicately. “You aren’t hiding anything in that Ku-chan.” 

Kusuo rushed to the nearest mirror which was in his ensuite. His mother wasn’t lying. The suit could’ve been painted on his body. The outline of his junk was as clear as day. His only consolation was that he somehow looked nothing like himself anymore. Nothing in his body structure changed, but his neon pink hair had become a darker, duller magenta beneath a pair of parabolic cat’s ears. A black domino covered his cheeks to his brows, and provided a shocking contrast to his completely transformed eyes. These eyes, they were Plagg’s eyes: Neon green sclera glowed radio active against the domino mask. His purple irises became emerald. His pupils were now vertical slits perfecting his already sensitive night-vision. He wore a belt which fastened at the back, forming a prehensile tail, and to which a baton was affixed. Absolutely no one would associate this kind of perverted exobitionism with Saiki Kusuo.

“You should probably leave through the terrace.” His mother commented. “Going out through the cafe would be too obvious and it did say you should protect your identity.” 

Kusuo agreed and without thinking leapt from his main floor to his loft-bed, a full three meters vertically and two horizontally. 

“Oh my!” Kurumi exclaimed. “That’s handy!” 

Kusuo climbed the latter from his loft to the roof terrace. As he summited his mother called out:

“Have fun sweetie! Be safe!” 

Kusuo looked out over the 21st Arrondissement at Paris. Pillars of smoke were rising from various locations and the few pedestrians out were furtively moving about as though the sky were about to fall on their heads. He felt a moment of cognitive dissonance. He should be like they were: freaking the hell out, but none of the normal dread that weighed on him every conscious second was there. It was as though this were merely another errand he needed to perform, and he felt no more anxious about it than a trip to the grocery store. It was a strange feeling. 

[ _ Could this be what they call... confidence?]  _ He looked down at the ring where the tiny embodiment of destruction rested. [ _ Thanks. I hate it.] _

With a nod to the irony that this was the first time in years he wasn’t feeling l'appel du vide*, he jumped off the roof and into danger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *l'appel du vide: call of the void- basically suicidal/self-harmful thoughts or, the desire to jump from high places when you look down (to your death)  
> So how was Cat Noir’s origin story? Believable? Miraculous fans will notice it's different from Marinette’s even though the Saiki’s are occupying the Dupain-Cheng’s bakery with their cafe called “Fait Accompli” in reference to the fact that they both have the surname Saiki.  
> I wanted Kuniharu to be able to interact with Plagg like he did with Emp (the cat), and I like how his parents knew about his psychic powers and were like “whatever” in canon so I wanted more of that.  
> So Kaido is our first Akuma! Still hoping for suggestions for other akuma. Please comment!  
> Art notes:  
> All detailed backgrounds are taken from miraculous and shopped, i did not draw them. I picked some of my favorite memes to paper Saiki's walls.  
> References were used for all the pics i drew for this chapter.  
> Next chapter we’ll do Teruhashi’s reception of her miraculous and their first engagement with the jet black wing!


End file.
